


Come Up To My Place, Baby

by SocialDegenerate



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Assassin's Festival, Cockblocking, Flirting, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 20:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11997045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialDegenerate/pseuds/SocialDegenerate
Summary: Gladio is going to wring Noctis and Prompto's necks if they don't stop cockblocking him.Gesturing with his thumb to anywhere other than right there, Gladio stared meaningfully at Noctis, hoping that he would get the damn hint. He knew that Noctis didn’t have any game, didn’t need any considering that he’d been guaranteed an arranged marriage since birth, but hopefully he could recognise that a master needed some space to work.





	Come Up To My Place, Baby

**Author's Note:**

> tbh I don’t have an issue with flirty Gladio, all the women seemed totally into it even if it was a little douchey lmao. Still, cockblocking him all over town was basically the highlight of the Ass Fest for me, and here’s my personal motivation for doing so.

“So, how long are you going to be in town for?”

Crossing his arms over his chest while making sure his fingers pushed his biceps out to best effect, Gladio leant his shoulder against the wall and smiled down at Cindy. She gave him a sunny grin in return, looking up at him from under the brim of her cap, and he blinked a little at how utterly unfazed she seemed by him.

“Well, it ain’t easy always being apart, so I’m gonna spend a few days here with Holly before I’m needed back at Hammerhead.” Ah, there it was: the littlest bit of pink on her cheeks. Sensing that he was making progress, Gladio let his smile become more of a seductive smirk.

“Well, if you’re going to be around for a while, I was thinking we coul-”

“Gladio!”

His mouth snapping shut at the interruption, Gladio slowly turned his gaze from Cindy to Noctis and Prompto, giving the two a quick scan for injury or trouble before trying not to scowl at them. “What?”

“Just wondering what you were up to,” Noctis said, sounding innocent. Gladio narrowed his eyes but bit back his initial retort, settling instead for raising an eyebrow and keeping his cool.

“I’m a little busy right now,” he said. “Why don’t you and Prompto go enjoy the festival somewhere else?”

Gesturing with his thumb to _anywhere other than right there_ , Gladio stared meaningfully at Noctis, hoping that he would get the damn hint. He knew that Noctis didn’t have any game, didn’t _need_ any considering that he’d been guaranteed an arranged marriage since birth, but hopefully he could recognise that a master needed some space to work.

Surprisingly, it was Prompto who saved him, although Gladio could see him puffing up like an angry kitten over Cindy. He didn’t feel _too_ bad about that, though: she obviously had no interest in Prompto, and it was never going to happen.

“Yeah, Noct,” Prompto said, pouting. “Let’s go see the chocobos.”

Before Noctis could react, Prompto was taking him by the arm and dragging him away, the two of them muttering to each other as they left. Shaking his head in disbelief, Gladio watched them for a moment before turning back to Cindy and running a hand through his hair.

“Sorry about them.”

“Aw, I don’t mind,” Cindy said, her eyes sparkling. “They’re a cute li’l pair.”

“Yeah, sure,” Gladio laughed. “Anyway, where were we?”

“Number thirty-six, order up!” Called the cafe worker from behind the counter, and Cindy perked up.

“Oh, those are ours! Holly’s waiting for me so I’ll see you around, hon.” Playfully punching his arm, Cindy grinned at him again before grabbing her food and wandering off, quickly disappearing into the crowd.

Well, _that_ was a bust. Grumbling to himself, Gladio took a moment to curse his friends’ timing before he set off again, his eyes passing over the crowd. Travelling with three other men had absolutely _killed_ his sex life, even with his own hand; he wasn’t built for celibacy, and all he wanted was to find someone hot to have fun with while they weren’t fighting for their lives.

It definitely didn't help that one of the three had given him his first wet dream about a man at the tender age of fifteen- and that had been _before_ Ignis had gotten hot. But speaking of things that were never going to happen...

Unfortunately the hoods made it hard to see who anyone was, and Gladio was beginning to lose a little hope by the time he rounded a corner and found himself in front of the Leville. Maybe it would be best if he napped for a few hours and tried again during the night festivities, when there were fewer kids running around underfoot.

As he headed towards the front steps, though, he noticed a woman giving him a thorough once-over from the corner of the building. She swept back her hood when she saw that Gladio was watching her in return, and he could have sighed in relief when she turned out to be a pretty brunette who looked just a little older than he was.

But he didn’t, because he was cooler than that, and instead he plastered on a little smirk before turning away from the door and heading over to her instead.

“Hey there,” he said once he was in earshot, making sure to maintain a respectful distance. “You look lonely over here on your own.”

“Well, I’m not anymore,” she replied, taking a step forward into his space and running a hand across his bracer. “I like your costume.”

So, she was forward; Gladio _loved_ that. Leaning in a little, he lifted an arm to plant it against the wall of the Leville, thoroughly pleased by the way her eyes were glued to the movements of his bare muscles. He still thought that the outfit was stupid, but at least it barely covered any more skin than his usual wardrobe did.

“I’m Gladio,” he said, although from the vaguely dazed look on her face it didn’t seem like she would remember it, even as she introduced herself as Kate. Gladio didn’t care if she knew his name, not when they would be leaving in another day or two.

“It’s hot out here,” Gladio said, deciding to cut to the chase. “What do you say to joining me for a drink inside?”

“I’d love to,” she said, her tongue briefly darting out to wet her lips and leave them shining. Gladio’s poor, neglected dick was already getting a little interested at the thought of what they would feel like wrapped around him, and he was about to slip an arm over her shoulders and lead her inside when he caught someone approaching from the corner of his eye.

“Hey, dude,” Noctis laughed as he and Prompto walked up, Prompto giving a little wave. “What’s up?”

_If I wasn’t your shield, I would murder you right here_ , Gladio didn’t say. Instead he just shot the pair a tight smile, trying to indicate that he was otherwise occupied.

_Again_.

“We can talk later, okay?” Gladio said, out loud this time. “Have you two tried the cactuar fighting game yet? I set a high score you’ll never beat.”

He hadn’t, but he hoped that by the time _they_ realised that, something else would distract them.

“I…” Noctis started and trailed off, squinting at Gladio. “Ugh, fine, you’re _on_.”

“Who are your cute friends?”

“Huh? Oh, they’re no one,” Gladio said, frowning when Kate’s eyes didn’t leave Noctis and Prompto’s retreating backs. “Ignore them.”

“I don’t mind if they want to join us,” Kate said, and Gladio barely stifled an irritated groan as his dick immediately decided it was having none of that. He was no stranger to threesomes, and he’d shared his bed with even more than that a few times, but _ugh_.

Noctis and Prompto were like his little brothers.

His annoying, _cockblocking_ little brothers who he definitely didn’t want to think about having sex with.

Plastering an apologetic look on his face, Gladio rubbed at the back of his neck. “Look…”

“Hmm?” Kate said distractedly, standing up on her toes as she looked over the crowd, trying to catch a final look at the other two. There really was no accounting for taste, Gladio supposed.

“I gotta go, sorry. It’s later than I thought it was.”

“Oh...are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Gladio sighed, knowing that he just wasn’t going to be able to get himself going again. “Sorry.”

“No worries,” Kate said, patting his bracer one more time. “Feel free to send that gorgeous pair my way if you see them again.”

“Uh, sure,” Gladio said. “Bye.”

“Bye,” she repeated with a wave, and Gladio seethed as he disappeared back into the throng of people. He’d take a walk, kill some time, and hopefully Kate would be gone by the time he circled back to the hotel. He could try again after his original plan for a mid-afternoon nap, and maybe then he’d be back in the mood.

At least the busy streets of Lestallum were a good distraction, and Gladio thankfully didn’t lay his eyes on the menace pair as he wandered through the festival. He _did_ briefly speak to Ignis, who was looking far more comfortable in what he considered to be a ‘revealing’ outfit than he had at first.

Gladio repeatedly had to keep his eyes from drifting down to where one of Ignis’ nipples was just hanging out, not that he had any room to judge. He was just a little _too_ interested in what he didn’t usually get to see, and so he made his excuses and left before he could embarrass himself.

It was a little mortifying to realise that he was suddenly ready to go again after seeing Ignis, and Gladio hated that he was so weak for one exposed nipple and some abs.

They were _really nice_ abs, though: not as sculpted and defined as Gladio’s own, but still tight with functional muscle and strength. Gladio wanted to feel them under his tongue, and he _really_ needed to find a new train of thought before he turned around and headed straight back to Ignis.

Rubbing at his forehead, Gladio came to a halt and glanced around. Too distracted by his thoughts, he’d left the festival behind without even realising it, and it was hard to tell where he actually was from the nondescript alley he found himself in.

“Lost?” Someone asked from off to the side, and Gladio glanced around to see a woman leaning against a closed door, an amused smile on her face.

Laughing and playing up his embarrassment, Gladio shot her an easy grin as he walked towards her. “Little bit. I’m trying to find my way to the, uh, Leville.”

“That’s out that way on the other side of town, handsome. How’d you end up all the way over here?”

“Well, y’know,” Gladio said, stopping within arm’s reach and watching as her eyes ran up and down his body. “Asked a guy for directions, got all turned around.”

The woman laughed, and Gladio was about to say something else when he heard another, _strikingly familiar_ laugh from further down the alley.

“You have _got_ to be kidding me,” Gladio muttered under his breath as Noctis and Prompto walked into view, matching grins appearing on their faces when they noticed Gladio standing there.

If once was an accident and twice was a coincidence, there was no way that Gladio was letting it become a pattern.

“Thanks for the help,” Gladio said to his new friend, taking a step back. “I’ll see you around.”

Walking around the woman, Gladio stormed over to meet the idiots who had apparently been following him all day. His hands were firm where they clamped around one arm from each idiot, and he ignored their protests as he dragged them back to the square where he’d met Ignis earlier.

If anyone could put the fear of Bahamut into them, it would be Iggy.

* * *

Despite the noise and crowds of the festival, Ignis had to admit that it was quite relaxing to be on his own. Apart from a brief conversation with Gladio and a few quick calls from Prompto, he’d been alone for most of the day in a way that he hadn’t been since before they’d left Insomnia.

Although he couldn’t entirely divorce his mind from thoughts about the well-being of Noctis and the others, it was nice to know that they were at least mostly safe from the threat of death. With the help of some rather cleverly forged false orders, the Empire had left Lestallum completely and would probably be gone for the remainder of the festival.

All in all, it was the kind of day that Ignis hadn’t been able to enjoy for a long time...so of course it couldn’t last.

“ _Ignis!_ ”

A number of people jumped at the sudden sound of Gladio’s booming yell, looking around to find both the source of the disturbance and whoever he was calling for. Even with Noctis disguised under the hood of his outfit, Ignis didn’t particularly welcome the increased scrutiny, and he thought that Gladio knew better.

“Astrals save me,” Ignis mumbled under his breath as he looked up, watching Gladio stomp towards him with Noctis and Prompto thoroughly corralled in his arms.

“Ignis, I need you to watch these two,” Gladio announced, coming to halt in front of Ignis. People were still staring, and Ignis stared blankly at Gladio until he finally seemed to notice the attention he was drawing. “Shit, sorry.”

Releasing his grip on Noctis and Prompto, Gladio ran a hand through his hair and laughed awkwardly. “Anyway, like I was saying, I need you to keep an eye on these two. Please.”

“They’re adults,” Ignis pointed out, raising an unimpressed eyebrow, “and I’m not their mother.”

“Wow, rude,” Noctis said, and Prompto immediately laughed.

“Yeah mum, think of your kids’ feelings.”

“Iggy, _please_ ,” Gladio tried. “I just need, like, an hour without these two magically appearing everywhere I am.”

Turning his unimpressed look towards Noctis and Prompto, Ignis wasn’t surprised to get two innocent looks in return.

“It was an accident,” Noctis said, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

“Yeah, Lestallum’s not that big,” Prompto added, although he was obviously struggling not to laugh.

“Once, I’d believe,” Gladio grumbled, crossing his arms. “Three times is a little harder to take.”

While Gladio was distracted with his own whinging, Ignis could only watch as Noctis and Prompto looked at each other before taking a few slow, quiet steps back. Keeping his face steady and nodding along with whatever Gladio was saying, Ignis fought not to react as the pair turned tail and ran, Noctis turning back for long enough to shoot Ignis a double thumbs up before they disappeared.

“- and I think you brats should... _hey!_ ” Realising that his captives were gone, Gladio whirled around and looked for them before rubbing at his temple with a groan. “Why are they so impossible?”

“You say that like I have the answer,” Ignis said, finally letting himself a smile a little. “But what did they actually _do_?”

Gladio actually seemed a little embarrassed, uncrossing and recrossing his arms as he shifted on the spot. “Well, first of all I was over by the cafe, where I found Cindy. She’s cute, y’know, so I figured I’d chat her up a little bit, see if she was interested in some of this. But then of course His Royal Pain-in-the-Ass popped up and ruined it.”

“Ah,” Ignis said, too stuck on the first half to really hear the second. “Do you mean Cindy as in, Hammerhead’s Cindy?”

“Yeah, who else?” Gladio said, looking annoyed. “I know Prompto’s into her and all but she’s obviously not into him, so I figured why not.”

“I hate to be the one to tell you this, Gladio, but Cindy isn’t going to be interested in you either.” Ignis wasn’t quite sure how Gladio had missed it, considering what they’d spent the previous day doing, but it certainly made everything a lot clearer.

“What?” Gladio laughed, gesturing to himself. “ _Everyone’s_ into me.”

“Yes, well, even if you are a rather nice example of a man,” Ignis said before he could catch himself, awkwardly adjusting his glasses and silently cursing his traitorous mouth, “I don’t think that’s going to be very helpful when it comes to seducing a lesbian.”

“A what now,” Gladio said flatly, his brow furrowing.

“Gladio, we quite literally spent all day yesterday helping her rescue her girlfriend. They’re not quiet about it, either.” His shoulders shaking as he held back his laughter, Ignis watched at Gladio’s face went from confused to thoughtful to ashamed.

“Astrals help me,” Gladio growled, slapping a hand over his eyes. “Well, maybe she’s bi? And they’re open?”

“She isn’t,” Ignis said, trying not to smile too widely at Gladio’s obliviousness. “She told me as much one morning when we stayed at Hammerhead, before the rest of you woke up.”

Gladio groaned, _loudly_ , but the attention it drew was less annoying without Noctis by their sides. “Why would she even tell you that?”

“Well, birds of a feather, I suppose,” Ignis said with a shrug, although he froze when he noticed the wide-eyed look Gladio was giving him. “Did you...not know that?”

“About you?” Gladio managed to say, still staring. “No!”

“Well then, I suppose you’re learning a lot of new things today,” Ignis said, finally giving into his urge to laugh. Gladio glared at him for a moment before cracking and joining in, his whole face lighting up as he laughed.

“I guess,” he choked out before pausing to catch his breath, “I guess that explains why I’ve never had much luck with guys. My gaydar’s broken or something.”

Ignis had suspected that particular revelation, of course: he’d seen the way that Gladio looked at him sometimes.

Or perhaps it was more accurate to say that he’d _hoped_ , spending a little too much brainpower on wondering whether he was reading too far into what he _thought_ were lingering glances.

He’d never managed to work up the nerve to just _ask_ , though, not even after Noctis had worked out that his advisor was pining after his shield. Despite Noctis’ insistence that he should _just ask, Iggy, Gladio’s as big of a nerd as you are, it’ll be fine_ , he’d never been quite sure enough to want to risk making their closely connected jobs awkward.

Still, if the way Gladio’s eyes kept trailing down the exposed parts of his chest and stomach was any indication…

“Anyway,” Gladio suddenly said, breaking Ignis’ train of thought, “after that I was talking to a woman over by the Leville, when who should pop up but those two _absolute chucklefucks_.”

Gladio’s frown looked oddly petulant, and Ignis put his hand in front of his mouth so that Gladio wouldn’t see his smile. “They’re not always the best at being subtle.”

“Yeah, see, that’s what I figured. And then it happened a _third_ time. Iggy, they were cockblocking me on purpose! I don’t even know why!”

“...Oh,” Ignis said, swallowing hard as he remembered the thumbs up Noctis had given him before disappearing. “ _Oh_.”

“Iggy?”

“I’m sorry, Gladio,” Ignis said, looking away in embarrassment. “Noctis...I mean, I think I understand what he was trying to do, and I apologise.”

Gladio’s eyebrow quirked upwards. “Unless you told them to come after me, I don’t think you need to apologise.”

“Ah, no, not exactly,” Ignis said, trying not to act too awkward under Gladio’s intense stare. “...This is a little mortifying.”

Gladio didn’t say anything, but Ignis felt like his eyes somehow managed to ramp up the intensity even further.

Still, he was Ignis Scientia, and his composure under pressure was _unparalleled_.

Taking a deep breath, Ignis straightened his shoulders and opened his mouth before he could rethink it. “Noctis knows that I find you to be attractive, and I think this may have been his way of... _helping_.”

HIs face felt like it was on fire and his hands would have been shaking had they not been firmly planted on his hips, and yet Ignis still felt like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

“That little _shit_ ,” Gladio growled, and Ignis sensed the slightest crackle of magic as if Gladio were about to summon his sword and hunt Noctis down. “He never _once_ let me think you were anything other than straight.”

“Oh,” was all Ignis could say, and the pair simply stared at each other for a moment. The festival was still going on around them, the people slipping past completely oblivious to the standoff going on in the middle of the square, and it wasn’t until someone knocked into Ignis’ back and sent him jolting forward that the moment broke.

“I suppose I’m grateful that he respected my wish for him to stay quiet,” Ignis said as he straightened up, fixing his glasses.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Gladio sighed, lifting a hand to tug at his hair a little. “But…”

“But?”

Gladio’s stormy expression cleared, and Ignis felt a shiver run down his spine at the confident look that replaced it. “Can’t say I’m upset that you’re into me.”

“I don’t remember going _that_ far,” Ignis argued, even if it wasn’t exactly true. Fiddling with the material draped over him, he watched as Gladio’s eyes focused in on his exposed nipple, and the open appreciation he saw on Gladio’s face gave him the courage he needed to continue. “But it seems like I’m not the only one.”

“Mm,” Gladio hummed agreeably, “you’d be right about that. So, I just had a thought…”

“That’s a shame. Did it hurt?”

“I hate you _so much,_ do you know that?”

“I’m sorry,” Ignis laughed, completely unable to resist the opening. “Go on.”

“Well, as I was _going_ to say,” Gladio said with a mock scowl, reaching forward to prod Ignis’ shoulder with his index finger, “we have a hotel room and two useless friends who definitely deserve to be locked out of it for a few hours.”

“Oh, Gladio,” Ignis said, trying to put as much sorrow in his voice as possible. Gladio looked honestly shocked at getting something other than easy agreement, and it didn’t take long for Ignis’ despairing facade to crack. “You should know that I don’t put out _before_ the first date.”

“Wha-...I…” Gladio fumbled, eventually settling for drawing himself up to his full height and looming over Ignis. “Fine, I’ll buy you a drink.”

“You _really_ know how to treat a man,” Ignis said dryly, and yet he let Gladio slip an arm over his shoulder and begin leading him back towards the Leville.

“Don’t test me, Iggy,” Gladio said, leaning down a little until his lips were at Ignis’ ear. “I’ll charm your damn pants off.”

Quietly, Ignis didn’t _really_ think that was going to take much effort.

He was looking forward to seeing Gladio try, though.

* * *

“Iggy, come on.”

Knocking at the locked door again, Noctis and Prompto groaned when all they could hear was quiet whispering and wet noises.

“Guys, _please_ , it’s two in the morning.”

The wet noises got faster, and Prompto made exaggerated retching motions as they heard a groan that was too deep to belong to anyone except Gladio. When the door opened a minute or so later, twin stares of horror greeted the sight of Ignis standing there with his hair mussed and his lips swollen, dressed only in Gladio’s Crownsguard tank.

Despite the bagginess, it was only barely long enough to cover everything it needed to, and Noctis took a terrified step back as his arm wound around Prompto’s.

“You know what,” Noctis said, tugging Prompto back with him as he focused his eyes on anything _except_ Ignis, “we’re gonna go sleep in the Regalia.”

Promptly fleeing from the horrors that surely lay beyond the door, neither saw the thoroughly amused smile on Ignis’ face as he watched them leave, nor the arm that wrapped itself around Ignis’ waist and tugged him back into the room.

Noctis and Prompto would thoroughly refuse to be thanked later, demanding that it just _never be mentioned again_.

(Ignis made sure to be light on the vegetables for a few days, though).

**Author's Note:**

> [Come flail at me on Tumblr](http://socialdegenerate.tumblr.com)


End file.
